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What are the signs of a lonely relationship?

Here are 15 general signs of loneliness in a relationship. You don't long for each other anymore. ... You don't see each other often. ... You no longer have deep conversations. ... Both of you would rather commit to other plans. ... You feel the coldness in your relationship. ... You don't feel that your partner wants you. More items... •

marriage.com - 15 Signs Of Loneliness In A Relationship And How To Deal with it

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You may think that having a partner, who you spend time with the most, will solve the problem of loneliness. However, you may be surprised to realize that many people may end up feeling lonely in a relationship, as well. That person could be you or your partner. Feeling alone in a relationship is a sign of trouble. You can either be in a stale or toxic relationship.

The signs of loneliness in a relationship may not always be visible.

Also, there are plenty of reasons why someone would feel lonely in a relationship. It could also be stress from other factors, and your partner is not helping alleviate it. You could also be living in a loveless partnership, and you’re just going through the motions of your daily life without fun, romance, or meaning.

What loneliness in relationships means

“Why do I feel lonely? I have a partner, but why do I feel alone?” All of us can feel lonely once in a while, whether we are in a relationship or not. However, one must not confuse being alone with being lonely. Feeling lonely has little to do with the fact that you have a partner or not. Some people may not feel lonely even when they are not in a romantic relationship. On the other hand, others may feel lonely even when they are in a long-term relationship with someone.

So, what does it mean to feel lonely in a relationship?

You do not feel lonely in a relationship if your partner is not constantly physically around you all the time. You feel lonely in a relationship when you feel that your partner is not heard or not valued. A person can start feeling lonely when their partner is physically present but is mentally absent. One can start feeling lonely in a relationship when they feel that their presence or absence has little effect on their partner. If two people cannot speak to each other about their feelings, fears, and thoughts, they may feel lonely in a relationship. All these feelings of loneliness are valid, and there are so many examples of loneliness in a relationship depending on the cause of these feelings.

Main causes of loneliness in relationships

Feeling alone in a relationship can be caused by many factors. It’s complicated, and it’s painful. You first have to identify why you are feeling alone in a relationship. Is your partner the root cause, or is their lack of support that’s leaving you feeling neglected.

Here are the top causes of feeling loneliness in relationships.

1. Codependency

This happens when one partner is too needy, and the other allows themselves to be abused to fulfill their obligations. It’s okay to support and take care of your partner. However, when it becomes excessive, you will lose your individuality in the process. You will start to feel the signs of loneliness in a relationship, and you may also feel trapped.

2. Narcissistic / Controlling partner

It’s when one partner uses blackmail, abuse, lies, and even violence to control their partner. One of the top causes of loneliness in marriage is realizing that they married a narcissist. There is no true happiness in this type of relationship because no matter what you do or how hard you try, a narcissist won’t love anyone.

3. The negative partner

One partner is pessimistic about everything and resorts to substance abuse as an escape mechanism. They blame the world, their spouse, everyone else, including the mailman, for their predicament. Even if you love this person and try your best to help your partner, this can lead to being alone in a relationship. Your partner is present but is too occupied with their negative thoughts , needs, substance abuse, and so much more. In the end, this can lead to codependency or just the feeling of being alone in your battle.

4. Trapped in a loveless relationship

Are you like robots? Going through the same dull routine day after day, year after year? Even if you sleep in the same bed, there’s no meaningful conversation or intimate sex with your partner. Your relationship may have started exciting. Unfortunately, now, you find that each day has become dull and uninteresting. You don’t share anything in common, and you always get on each other’s nerves. No one initiates open communication, and you don’t even have the same goals in life.

Anyone would feel lonely in a relationship in this case.

5. Loving a cheater

You think everything is perfect. You have a beautiful house with a white picket fence. You can pay the bills with some leftovers for Doritos and pedicures, but find out that your partner is always out with someone else. Anyone would start feeling alone in the relationship when their partner is cheating on them. What if it wasn’t just a one-time fling? There can be instances that their partners would cheat over and over again. This act of infidelity brings unmeasurable loneliness to their partner. It’s easy to imagine being married but lonely if you are in one of those relationships mentioned above. Most people don’t know how to deal with loneliness in such a situation. Infidelity Expert & Therapist Todd Creager talks about how infidelity changes the cheater.

6. Long-distance relationship

A spouse may start feeling lonely in marriage when they are apart for a long time. Long-distance relationships are one of the most common reasons why this happens. The reality is, being away from your partner can cause psychological effects of living alone.

7. Health problems or issues

Life is full of surprises, and sadly, some of these include sickness or diseases that cause feelings of loneliness in marriage. It may be because your spouse or partner has been diagnosed with a chronic illness or is battling cancer.

15 signs of loneliness in a relationship that you need to know

Signs of loneliness in a relationship can be different for each person. Here are 15 general signs of loneliness in a relationship.

1. You don’t long for each other anymore

Do you still remember when your partner goes out for a couple of hours, and you already want to call them?

When you see each other, it’s like you haven’t seen each other in months! It sounds too cheesy, but when you’re in love, that’s how it is. Now, that feeling has faded away. You don’t feel that intense excitement and desire to kiss each other.

It makes you feel alone and loney.

2. You don’t see each other often

What is loneliness in a relationship?

It’s when you’re married or living together, yet you seem alone in your home. You don’t see each other that often. You’re too busy, or one of you would go home very late, and the other leaves early.

3. You no longer have deep conversations

One of the signs of loneliness in a relationship is when you can’t even talk to your partner. Before you can talk for hours and you can talk about anything under the sun. Those were the days when you understood everything about each other. Now, you can’t even remember the last time you sat down and talked. There’s always a reason not to talk, leaving you feeling sad and lonely.

4. Both of you would rather commit to other plans

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When the two of you are busy, you start to live different lives. When you don’t make an effort to bond like before, chances are, you’d feel lonely. Soon, you might notice that you would choose to commit to other plans like going out with friends rather than staying home.

5. You feel the coldness in your relationship

Have you ever felt that you try to become close to your partner, but this person doesn’t reciprocate?

You may spend the weekend together, but you feel something different.

6. You don’t feel that your partner wants you

This feeling is common for couples experiencing abuse or codependency.

You start feeling that your partner doesn’t want you but only needs you. There’s a huge difference between feeling loved and being in a relationship because it’s convenient for the other person.

7. You don’t make love anymore

Making love and having sex is not the same.

Unfortunately, one of the signs of loneliness in a relationship is when you do have sex, but you don’t make love. It’s an empty feeling. You’re just doing it to satisfy carnal desires, but the intimacy and connection are no longer there.

8. You start having different interests

After a few years, you may find yourself and your partner starting to drift apart and spending time on your new interests. It’s common for people who are incompatible with each other. You may find yourself wondering how you can stop feeling alone in your relationship.

9. Both of you are more focused on your screen

You’re having dinner, but you’re both busy looking at your phone.

You’re together every weekend, but you’re busy watching different shows. Soon, it’s Monday again, and you’re off with your busy schedule. There is no time for bonding, communication, and intimacy.

10. You don’t ask about each other

You want to know how to overcome loneliness in a relationship, but how can you do that when you can’t check on your partner anymore? You try to ask your partner about their day, but you only get a one-word answer, or maybe no answer at all.

It’s like you’re together physically, but that’s it.

For abusive or codependent relationships, you may start feeling that no one care’s about you at all. You’re drained and empty, fulfilling your partner’s desires but not your own.

11. Your needs and wants are no longer met

Every couple in a healthy relationship will do their best to meet each other’s needs and wants without sacrificing their own. When there’s loneliness in a relationship, one or both may no longer meet each other’s wants and needs.

We’re talking about food, shelter, safety, intimacy, love, and so much more.

12. There’s infidelity and betrayal

When you’re dealing with betrayal and infidelity, who wouldn’t feel alone and lonely?

How can you deal with the fact that your partner is cheating and betraying you?

How can you solve deal with loneliness when you’re the only one trying?

13. You may develop isolation

Another sign of loneliness in a relationship is when you’ve lost hope and start choosing isolation. You start losing interest in your daily activities and socialization. You start distancing yourself from your family and friends. People dealing with abuse, codependency, and toxic relationships can often succumb to loneliness.

14. You notice changes in your eating pattern and health

People who have been too strong can still feel lonely. The signs of loneliness in a relationship can manifest in eating disorders.

Some people binge eat, and some lose their appetites.

Both of these can cause health problems that can also affect daily activities.

15. You notice changes in your hygiene

Being alone in a relationship can take its toll. Some signs can show by not being interested in everything, even themselves.

They no longer wish to look good and feel good.

Some people refuse to clean themselves and even look at themselves in the mirror. They would lose the spark and the light that makes them happy.

Do we all feel alone in a relationship?

Yes. Anyone can have feelings of loneliness. It’s normal to experience this feeling, along with other strong emotions. If you think you are feeling alone and lonely in your relationship or marriage, it’s time to dig deeper into what causes this feeling.

It’s time to understand the different signs of loneliness in a relationship.

Once you have addressed the cause and the signs, then it’s time to know the different ways to cope with this feeling. Let’s start by understanding emotional intimacy and how it can affect one’s relationship.

How to develop emotional intimacy to fight loneliness

Emotional intimacy is a beautiful way of strengthening your relationship.

You can describe emotional intimacy as the feeling of connecting to your partner. It is when you can express your feelings and thoughts. You also allow yourself to open up and trust completely. Emotional intimacy develops easier than most people believe. However, if you allow it, it does take a lot of time. The feeling of loneliness stems from a lack of emotional intimacy. When you feel there’s nobody to turn to and confide in your problems, that’s when someone starts to feel alone. People feel alone when they have nobody to share good and bad times. They have to trust the person enough to talk about their real feelings without awkwardness and fear of judgment. Finding someone to share your deepest thoughts without inhibitions and connecting with them is the only solution to loneliness.

It needs to be a two-way street.

You have to be so comfortable with each other that you share each other’s dirty laundry. If you are lonely in marriage, that means you don’t have the emotional intimacy expectations with your spouse that you should have. Either your spouse is the source of your problems, or they are too emotionally distant to make a connection. The first case is more complicated. That’s why a lot of people turn to others instead. If you want to connect with your partner, you have to reconnect with them through romance. If you are married or in a relationship with the person, you at least had some chemistry in the past. Find time to re-establish a romantic connection with your spouse. It won’t happen unless you resolve the underlying problems in your relationship. Challenging them together can make your relationship stronger. Loneliness in a relationship has a lot to do with how the couple interacts. If you rely on each other and share your success, you won’t feel alone. Sometimes, you need to work harder to bring back your emotional connection with each other. It sounds trivial, but most couples neglect it and forget that emotional intimacy and connection are simply a deep form of two-way trust. Studies show that without trust, any form of relationship will fail. So trust your partner. Make sure to be someone worthy of your partner’s trust in return.

15 Ways to cope with loneliness in a relationship

Once you have identified why you have an overwhelming feeling of loneliness even inside a relationship or marriage, you can either fix it or walk away. There are situations where it’s not advisable to fix things, for example, when you are subjected to physical abuse daily. If this is the case, please don’t think you can still save the relationship. Walk away or seek help.

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The effects of loneliness for each person can be different, but there is still hope. You can change your situation by addressing the cause. Then start working on how you can manage loneliness in your relationship. Take charge and do what you can to stop feeling lonely. You can try these coping techniques.

1. Don’t stop dating your partner

You don’t have to break up. Instead, try to date each other again. You have to try and make time for each other.

It may be hard at first, but it’s not impossible.

The key here is time. You have to have the perfect timing to start doing this again. Both of you also have to make time for each other, and of course, enjoy your time together.

Remember: Don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t go perfectly.

2. Confide all your problems

It’s understandable to feel that it’s hard to start a conversation, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop. Don’t talk about your problems right away or start the conversation with crying and resentment.

This is one common reason why other couples find “talking” uninteresting.

Talk about something that will make the both of you smile. Or bring up a topic that can help you unwind.

Remember: Start your conversation with a positive and lighter note.

3. Practice self-care

When you feel signs of loneliness in a relationship, this is times when you need to take extra care of yourself.

Self-care is essential, especially when you’re feeling down and lonely.

Start by exercising, eating healthy home-cooked meals, sleeping 8 hours a day, and doing something that will make you happy. Remember: While your partner can make you happy, you should also learn to be happy on your own too.

4. Do chores together

Your partner may do chores, and you might do the same.

Why not try joining your partner so you can have time together?

If he’s painting the garage, join him and strike a conversation. You might start enjoying the things that you’re both doing.

Remember: Keep everything light. Have fun.

5. Go on family day trips

Another way on how to overcome loneliness in a relationship is to try and go out. It would be better to plan a family day trip with your families.

Scheduling this might be challenging, but you can make it happen.

Remember: If your partner doesn’t want to join, still enjoy the reunion or family event.

6. Talk about your day

You go home, and you notice that you’re both busy with your phone, break this habit. Initiate a conversation with your partner. Ask about your partner’s day, and then, when it’s your turn, share details about how your day went.

This can be a start of a good conversation.

Remember: The energy you are showing is contagious. So be bubbly and start being happy.

7. Listen to your partner

When you start opening up with each other, even if you are excited about the fact that you are connecting again, please listen to your partner. It’s easy to get disappointed if your partner is not paying attention, so don’t make your partner feel this way.

Remember: If you’re interested and listening, your communication will improve.

8. Discuss your future

One cause of loneliness in a person’s relationship is when you feel uncertain about your future.

Don’t assume that your partner doesn’t care.

Maybe, your spouse doesn’t know what you need. There’s a chance that this person doesn’t have a clue about what you want. Feel free to open up and talk about your future. You might be surprised by your partner’s reaction. Remember: Your partner can’t read your mind. Your partner wouldn’t know if you’re already expecting something. So talk about it when you need to.

9. Keep your promises

Even if you feel that you’ve drifted apart, don’t forget about your vows and promises.

Not unless you are being abused, don’t give up that easily.

Relationships are all about commitment, and when the time comes that you’re facing challenges and you feel lonely, this is the time when you need to try harder.

Remember: A little more effort won’t hurt.

10. Reminisce about your past

Once you’ve started talking with each other again, you can reminisce about your past. Sometimes, we forget how deeply in love we are. With these memories, you’ll see that you’ve drifted apart, and this can help you realize that the both of you should work together. Remember: Bring out that old album or print some old photos and share stories.

11. Try couples therapy

If you feel that you can’t deal with loneliness, it’s time to seek professional help. There may be underlying triggers or issues that need to be addressed for you to work things out again. Remember: You don’t have to be afraid. Your professional therapist can help you work on your relationship without judging you.

Are you tired of all the signs of loneliness in a relationship?

Adopt a pet. You can get a dog, a cat, or a rabbit. Pets can give so much love and can help you with what you are going through. Remember: Try going to shelters and rescue pets. These animals need your love, and they are willing to give you unconditional love.

13. Reach out to your friends and family

You don’t have to feel alone.

Sometimes, instead of choosing to distance yourself from the people that love you, it’s better to allow them in.

Their presence can lessen the hurt and the loneliness.

Remember: Allow the people you trust into your life. They would help you get through your challenges.

14. Develop a new hobby

Instead of focusing on the things that make you sad, try out a new hobby. Keep yourself busy. Don’t ever allow the loneliness to devour you whole. You are better than that. There can be many ways to keep yourself busy, and getting a new hobby would be fun. Remember: Our ultimate goal is to reconnect with your partner, but your happiness shouldn’t depend on your partner alone.

15. Try meditation or yoga

If you feel alone and lonely, make time for yourself.

Try yoga and meditate. It can help you relax and be mindful.

By doing yoga and meditating, you can get in touch with yourself. By doing so, you can take care of yourself and practice self-compassion.

Remember: Focus on yourself first.

Conclusion

At some point in our lives, we will all feel lonely.

We can’t avoid negative feelings, but we can do something about it.

If you show signs of loneliness in a relationship and it is an abusive one, then it’s time to seek immediate help. In case your relationship isn’t toxic or abusive, then maybe, you just need to work a little harder to bring back the spark of your love. Focus on yourself and your relationship. Don’t let the feeling of loneliness drag you to solitude and unhappiness. You can be happy on your own, and once you learn that, you can share that happiness with your partner.

marriage.com - 15 Signs Of Loneliness In A Relationship And How To Deal with it

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