Photo: Nicola Barts

Can a 17 year old be groomed?

Anyone can be a victim. No one is immune to grooming, though some are more susceptible than others — including minors, "because of their naiveté,” Marlowe Garrison says. “[Grooming] can occur at any age, and it has a great deal to do with gullibility, insecurity, religion, and culture. [...]

allure.com - What Is Sexual Grooming? 7 Things to Know About This Abuse Tactic

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R. Kelly is once again at the center of sexual abuse allegations: In a BuzzFeed News report published this week, several parents of young women accused the musician of holding their daughters against their will, while former members of Kelly’s entourage shared disturbing reports of his alleged verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse of these young women and others. One of the big issues is that the women reportedly believe they’re in consenting relationships with the singer. As some have pointed out, that may be because Kelly "groomed" them to accept the allegedly abusive relationships. “Grooming is the slow, methodical, and intentional process of manipulating a person to a point where they can be victimized,” Eric Marlowe Garrison, a sex counselor and author, tells Allure. “After [the perpetrators] find their targets, they then gain trust and move in from there.”

Here’s what you need to know about grooming.

1. Anyone can be a victim.

No one is immune to grooming, though some are more susceptible than others — including minors, "because of their naiveté,” Marlowe Garrison says. “[Grooming] can occur at any age, and it has a great deal to do with gullibility, insecurity, religion, and culture. [...] It starts by targeting a vulnerable person, then building trust.”

2. It often starts with friendship.

Groomers don’t jump right into abuse, which is often sexual; they begin with building a friendship. “It’ll be in a way where they get to know the [victim] well enough where they find out what they like,” Dawn Michael, PhD, a sexuality counselor, tells Allure. “Let’s say somebody is on Snapchat or...Instagram — [the offender] can pick up some of the things that [the victim] is posting. That’s why, especially for young teens or even young adults, they have to be aware of the information they’re putting out there, because someone can get this information and use it to befriend them; and that’s kind of how it starts.” Michael notes that the groomer will look for various ways to get in the victim’s favor, which could be bringing up interests they express on their social media channels, name-dropping mutual — or supposedly mutual — acquaintances, or emphasizing their own influence or power.

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Why do baby girls touch their privates?

They are simply discovering and exploring their world — including their bodies. Studies have shown that genital touching is common in early childhood. Sometimes kids are so interested in their bodies that they want to show off different body parts.

flo.health - Is It Normal for Babies to Touch Their Genitals? - Flo Health

New parents often wonder if this is typical behavior. In fact, it’s incredibly normal. They’re exploring their body in the same way they learn about their noses, toes, ears, and fingers. Touching their bodies, including their genitals, can occur in different phases as children grow. There is no reason to scold or embarrass your child if they touch their genitals.

Should you do something when your baby is touching themselves?

When children touch their genitals, parents don’t know whether to address the behavior or ignore it. If you discourage your child from touching their genitals by removing their hands yet encourage them to discover and play with their fingers or toes, you’re sending a confusing message. Unlike adults, infants and toddlers aren’t yet aware of the sexual nature of genitals. They are simply discovering and exploring their world — including their bodies. Studies have shown that genital touching is common in early childhood. Sometimes kids are so interested in their bodies that they want to show off different body parts. As a parent, how you react to this curiosity will affect how your child views their body and sexuality. If you strongly disapprove of your child showing off an interesting body area, they may feel the need to be secretive. They may even feel ashamed of their body. But if you exercise tolerance and understanding of your child’s emerging sexual awareness, you can teach your child to respect their body and take pride in it.

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